skyremains:

Anonymous asked: hi, i don’t know a lot about asexuality and i’m wondering: does asexual never feel the need to have sex? or they do but only when they’re very close to someone? or idk, in another circumstances? i hope i don’t sound rude or anything, i’m just curious and want to understand better.. :/

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Hello! It’s ok to be curious. It’s not a sexuality that’s talked about very much in culture, and when it is, it’s often misunderstood.

Asexuality, strictly and technically, is defined as a a lack of sexual attraction. That’s the nuts and bolts. A person who is not sexually attracted to another. As you can guess, it gets complicated. For starters, what does sexual attraction even mean?

So let’s answer that. Sexual attraction to another person involves a physical aspect and a desire to be intimately close. An asexual does not look at a person in a club and think I would like to go home with them tonight and have sex. They don’t feel that pull. Nor do they gaze lovingly in their SO’s eyes and think they love them so much that sex with them would be perfect right now. It is important to distinguish sexual attraction from romantic and aesthetic attraction. Aesthetic attraction is wow! That celebrity is so pretty! and stopping before I would really like to sleep with them! Romantic attraction is just like a crush. A desire to be close to someone, be with them, and so on.

Does this mean they’re not attracted to anyone? Not necessarily. Just like not all sexual people are exclusively attracted to just men or women. Sexuality is a spectrum, as is asexuality. There are asexuals who match the definition, who never experience sexual attraction. There is also gray-asexuality, often called gray-a, which is a catch-all term for people who sometimes are sexually attracted but still identify as asexual. There’s also demisexuality, a kind of midpoint, in which sexual attraction is only experienced after primary attraction, or a close emotional or romantic bond, is developed. A demisexual might be sexually attracted, but only to someone they’re close to. And many many people fall between these points.

So does this mean they never have sex? No. In fact, many asexuals do have sex for many reasons.Some asexuals are repulsed, meaning the idea of having sex is very off-putting, but some are not bothered by it and even enjoy it. It’s not a lack of enjoyment of sex, simply a lack of attraction to have it with another person. It is also not a lack of sexual drive. Many asexuals masturbate. Not necessarily based on sex with another, but more of a focus on sensation. I once heard it compared to hunger. Sexual drive is a bodily need that can be taken care of, like hunger. When you get hungry, you don’t think, my body wants pizza right now. You think, my stomach is growling and my body needs nourishment and I guess I should attend to this. This metaphor does not extend to sexuals very well though.

 Do they even have relationships? Absolutely! With all kinds of people. Asexuals usually identify with a romantic label. As one can be heterosexual, you can be heteroromantic, biromantic, homoromantic, or panromantic. This represents who you are attracted to romantically. Panromantic asexuals tend to be common, since sex and therefore genetalia is largely irrelevant. However, there are all kinds. They have relationships with other asexuals as well as sexuals. However, asexuals, as well as sexuals for that matter, can also be aromantic. Meaning they experience no romantic attraction and therefore do not desire a relationship. The term for an aromantic attraction is another is called a ‘squish.’ It’s like a crush, but not at all romantic. You will also see the phrase ‘queerplatonic’ which refers to a non romantic relationship between two people that is still deep, meaningful, and satisfying to the people involved.

Sorry that was kind of long, but I hoped that answered your question. A sort of FAQ on asexuality.